Summer in Tokyo and the heat rose from the pavement and hit me with full force. What on earth was I doing chasing this woman from one side of the world to the other-she was not worth it but then if that was so why I was I here in Tokyo? I meet her in New Zealand three years ago and she was a University student and we became good friends with no romantic intentions (well maybe a little on my part-after all she was so bloody good looking!!!). After a friendship of one year she left New Zealand and so did I.
For awhile I forgot about her; she would jump into my thoughts from time to time but life and study in L.A. was busy and hey I could party all I wanted but still every now and then a flash back would take place in my mind and her face would be there and the feelings would rise and it was driving me crazy; so one dark night after drinking too much and suffering from a hangover, the next day I wrote to her and asked her if after graduation I could come to Tokyo and see you? Her answer was yes and so here I was. A boy from a small country town in New Zealand whose parents thought him nuts to leave New Zealand to go to L.A. and now Tokyo; chasing some dream or something he did not even understand. Country boy meets a Japanese girl and we become friends and now I am in Tokyo; Aaah this story has been told many times before. How many foreigners have come to Japan chasing Japanese girls-in fact I had meet some and heard the stories and even meet a group of Japanese women who married New Zealand men who they had meet in World War II and. I was romantically in love with Japan and I guess falling in love with this girl as well and all they wanted to do was to forget about Japan and the war. The Japanese women had never been back and would not even try Japanese with me and it was one of the coldest dinner parties I have ever been too!!
So I marched on in the heat becoming sweaty and not really in a good frame of mind to meet her after three years; I should have taken a taxi but I was too sacred in case the driver did not understand English and it was so expensive! Finally I arrived at her building and she did not live in such a bad place after all. I stopped and made sure I looked okay. I had the shakes and had never felt this nervous in my whole life-'would she like me? Was she thinking about me? Did she have the same feelings I did? Was this the woman for me and was I the man for her? What about her family-would they accept me?' All of these and many other thoughts raced through my mind as I stood outside her apartment. I felt like retreating and running but my feet were like concrete and I could not move; could not go forward or go back and I stood and stared at the building for the longest time. Time seemed to stand still as the world just busied itself without me; I still remember the time in front of that apartment building as the longest moment of my life. I felt like a fool to get on a plane to see a woman who I had not seen in three years and who I did not know a lot about and who lived in a foreign land.
What was it that made me do this? Love? Mystery? Romance? All and more-it was stressful and nerve racking, I had never felt like this in all my life and I was Euphoric. Aaah this is what love is but it was more than love; it was the foolishness of it all and the challenge; it was not her I loved so much as the ride I was on and I stood on the pavement not wanting the ride to end.
Scared she would not feel the same or scared that she would and then the ride would continue-yes I wanted it to continue and so there was no walking away-no turning back from her door, I was on the ride and I had paid for the ticket and so I would ride the highs and lows and see what happened.
Move you bloody feet, come on lets go!!! I climbed the three flights of stairs with legs of concrete (there was an elevator but they would be too quick). And I found the door.
I was still 15 minutes early and so I stood in front of the door thinking you are the most beautiful door I have ever seen and oh how I love Japanese doors, then I reached out my hand and rang the bell. No one came to the door-Aaah did I get the wrong day, is this the wrong house, am in the right building-bloody map, so I rang again and no answer. And I waited and still no answer and so for the third time I tried and still no one-I stuck my ear to the door and could hear nothing and now my Euphoric feelings were gone and began to be replaced with fears and feelings of frustration, anger and just the age old feeling every man feels from time to time: "YOU BLOODY FOOL!!" Aaah I was on the wrong floor!! (I had counted ground and then one, two and three and ended up on the fourth floor!!)
I raced down the stairs and here came those feeling of euphoria again I was back on the ride. I stood in front of yet another door. Hmm time for reflection here-life truly is full of doors and we cannot walk through them all. Some doors look great on the outside but just because a door looks good does not mean it is the right one to open and go through. Sometimes it is the one that does not look so good we need to open and go through. We need to learn to smell or sense the opportunity and take our chances. Life is full of missed opportunities not just for you and me but for every single person on the planet. I read somewhere once that you; 'should live today for itself for you do not know what tomorrow holds'-how true. But I would add 'If you live today make sure you are doing what you want to do on your terms and make sure your day rocks your world!'
I rang the bell yet again and the door opened and oh I was in the movies-she was fantastically beautiful; I could smell her and she smelt beautiful and she spoke and oh how I had missed that voice. Here I was in the field of daises running towards her and her towards me and I wanted to take her in my arms and hold just like in the sound of music or some other movie. I said. "Hi" she said; "Hi"-deeply romantic! "Come in". "Are you sure?" "Yes, please come in!" So I went in and everything was in order and perfect. "Would you like tea?" "Yes please."...............and so the pleasantries went on. We sat and drank cold tea and talked and caught up for over one hour and then I told her..."I have missed you since you left New Zealand!" "Me too!" she said. Then the most romantic thing I ever said came out of my mouth; "Can I use the bathroom?" I did and stayed in there for a whole 10 minutes and I wonder if she thought had fallen in or something. I came out and she was standing there waiting for me and I took all of my courage in my hands and reached out for her and her to me and we embraced and I kissed her-she fell into my arms and kissed me desperately back-and Aaah here I was on the ride, the Euphoria feelings of love, adventure and mystery were so high and this is what everyone had talked for so long about and now it was mine. Rock n' Roll this was it and she was mine!?
Then she pulled away from me ("What I forgot to brush my teeth?") and said "No no this is wrong!" What did I do? Why?" I asked and then her reply hit me like a brick;" What if my husband comes home?" The black whole swallowed all of my feelings in one millisecond flat!
Ooh you bloody fool!!! "What you are married?" I said in absolute surprise and then it dawned on me-the photo on the table in the living room, the band on her finger and all the other indications around the apartment; shoes in the entrance, more than one tooth brush in the bathroom, his hair brush and the list goes on. I had been so caught up in the moment and all the feelings that I was going through that I never even saw the signs that this was the wrong ride and that the door was not open at all. I had fooled myself and only heard the words; 'I missed you too' but of course she had missed me, we were friends after all....................and friends miss each other. Aaah I had flown all the way to Tokyo with a dream and fantasy of my own making on a ride I had invented or maybe been fooled into taking and now it was ending and the ticket man was telling me to get off and I did not know how to get off and so I just apologized and she said in her cute Japanese way "It is ok!" but I felt like the biggest jerk on the planet at that moment and for weeks afterwards. I should have spent my money to come and see a friend in Tokyo and instead I spent it chasing a self invented fantasy.
I do not know her anymore-still know where the apartment block is and funny thing is I never left Japan-for trips and holidays in New Zealand but this is home now and I can tell you I learnt a lot about doors and rides over the years and this is one of many lessons I learnt the hard way. Life is not always how we fanaticize it to be is it?! Life is not always full of happy ends!!

Toilet Experience

My arrival to Japan was marked with no culture shock but a little bit of a surprise in Narita airport when I tried to go to loo there was a hole in the ground-the squat toilet, no way!! I held on and refused to go until I could find a western style loo.

Arrived at my girlfriend’s house in Sawara city in a little district called Isoyama to a house in the middle of rice fields; an old Japanese style house complete with Tatami, Fusama doors and a............western toilet-YES!! The grandfather could not use the squat because of his age and so they had installed a western toilet with a heated seat and all.

But......................culture shock does come and the toilet brought it on. A few weeks later we were in a coffee shop and I just had to go, opened the door and oh no!! Squat loo-no I am not going and so returned to the table and did all the tricks I could think so as not go but I just had to go, so I gritted my teeth and jumped in at the deep end and the culture shock hit me right in the face. Thoughts of how can you use this? Which way to face? I feel like an animal etc.....

Years later I overcame the fear of the squat toilet but found out 5 years down the road that I was facing the wrong way-Aaah that is why I was making a mess! But now I am an expert and all fears have been overcome and if it is Western I use it but if there is none I use the squat with no fear or bother at all. I have adapted and become a little more apart of Japan and Japan a little more part of me through this experience.

My life with sushi

I pulled myself out of bed again at 6:00am on a cold winter Tokyo morning; aaah I hate the cold in this country and this day was no exception. Where are those slippers; I braved the cold wood floor of my apartment in bare feet and flipped on the switch for the Kerosene heater and it roared into life. As the room heated up it was time to brave the hand held shower with its slow trickle of water (roll on summer) and once again standing in the shower I wondered-what the heck am I doing in this country?; it has been three months and I was in the middle of my first winter here. The thoughts in my mind were; take the language and keep it! Kanji; who invented the language anyway? The crowded train system, the people staring at me and the list goes on; take it all and stick.............. But then spring came and Aaah it was beautiful and then Summer oh roll on winter-it is so bloomin’ hot here; I am dying in this heat!! and winter came and I went through the whole cycle again really wondering if the weather dictated my life I would not live here; is there really any great weather in Japan-my conclusion is no!! ....and these were the thoughts I had 17 years ago and I am still here!!

Am I stupid? Am I unable to make it in my own culture? Am I so into a challenge that I do not know when to give up? Probably yes to all of these questions and more but what is it about Japan that has kept me here for 17 years when I only wanted to stay for six months, and what is the thing that is in me that say to people when they ask me: "how long will you be here for?" that answers: "I will die here!!"

Well I still hate winter with a passion and the cold floor is still my enemy but hey the water pressure in the shower got better-but I had to move for that to happen. As for the language well I got that and the culture still has its challenges and now I love crowded trains and crowds full stop!! I love Tokyo with all of my heart and the crowds and excitement in Shibuya, Shinjuku and all of the other large cities. Hey after 17 years I got lost on the train system in Osaka-JOY!!!! On the contrary my small home town bores me to tears (as if I will ever live there long enough in the last 22 years to really know that anyway)　and there is no way you could get lost there!!　And then of course we got ADSL as well which made life in Japan so much better and a lot more bearable.

But when it is all said and done I still hate sushi with a passion and it is still my worst enemy; even got food poisoning from it once and it was not pleasant. My rule of thumb for life in Japan these days is; “Everything is ok and some things I love but avoid sushi at any cost!!”　Roll on Japan-I love you and could not think of a better place to live!!